A Love Letter

“You probably don’t know that this letter exists. You don’t like letters. You don’t even want to write one. You are a sweet and caring person but you don’t like too much cheesiness. You’re probably browsing your phone as of the moment or lying down the bed, watching your favorite Netflix series in our room, light’s off and the AC is on its lowest. That’s how you normally spend the weekends unless I barge in, crawl up to your chest, lie down there and  wait for you to notice me. You’ll put down your phone for me, you’ll smell my hair and hold my face, kiss me on my forehead and say, ‘I love you’. You are that kind of person. So pure. So innocent. So loving. 

And you believe in forever.

You are the opposite of most of the guys nowadays. You believe in fairy tales and that makes you very easy to love. You are so gentle, you don’t like hurting people even if saving them means hurting yourself. You are raised well by your parents. You love your siblings and the people around you love you too. You are loved and liked by many. But you don’t like other girls. Or you just don’t like the idea of cheating. It’s been years but you’ve never looked at other girls the way you look at me or maybe you haven’t found anyone that could destroy the love and efforts you have invested in me. You are my peace when everything seems to be chaotic. You are my oblivion when people are giving me so many things to think of, you are my phantom of delight when the reality is full of misfortunes. You buy me the things that I need and want. You kiss me on my forehead when I feel sad. You hug me tight when I cry and take me out for a date when I feel ugly. By writing this, it’s like I am describing a perfect love story. 

But I don’t believe in forever.

You are the most precious thing that happened to me and I just can’t believe that someone like you still exists in this world but I know nothing is permanent in it, too. Someday, you’ll look at other girls, see that they are beautiful and notice that they can actually like you too. Someday, you will find out that you can still do more things on your own, you’ll find a new hobby, meet new people, you will be busy with your new job and your world will just get bigger, full of new people and happier. Someday our weekend movie marathon will turn into me waiting for you to go home from a boys’ Friday night out. Someday the sweet gestures will turn into nagging and angry looks. Someday, the kiss on the forehead will turn into ‘Don’t wait for me later, I’ll be on overtime” before leaving the house for work. Someday, our dates will be group dates with your friends or colleagues. Someday, our world would be not only for the two of us. You’ll invite others to join. I might, too. And I’m not sure if I will be happy for the new members but one thing is for sure, we will not be the same anymore. This may be part of growing up as a couple and the same part where most couples part ways.

Will you leave?

I’d still like to wait for this moment even if I’m not sure if everything will still be the same by then. Nothing is certain, I know. But will you leave me when we don’t understand each other anymore? If I ask you now, you’ll probably say no because we are in love and young and so much hopeful for the brighter days together. The dreams we made and are making are giving us so much hope to believe that we will be with each other while we still live in this planet. But how about 10 years from now? or 20? or maybe in 5 more years? Will you still be there? I would not want to ask you this now nor in 2 years but let’s see after 10 years. When all the new people in our lives get old, when all the night outs are fully enjoyed, when all the cute girls get wrinkles and all the tasks at work are completed, will you still go home to me and kiss me on my forehead and say, ‘I love you’? Or will you kiss me on my forehead and say, ‘Sorry, I have to let you go? 

I’ll be strong.

I am being futuristic and people may say I’m being negative towards life. But you know, this world is full of mysteries and unexpected things and I don’t want to stay attached to something that will soon go. Don’t worry. I’ll be strong and I know you will be, too, at that time. If everything comes to end or if everything stays the same after so many years, I’ll still be strong. The love you’ve been giving me and letting me feel everyday gives me strength that I can use when the time comes that I have to be alone. I hope I also did something for you that you can actually be proud of, something that you can remember while I’m no longer by your side, something that will stand out of all the things other people are giving and will give you in the future.

I may not believe in forever but I believe in you, today.

We don’t hold the future. We don’t know what lies ahead. What I only have is you, now. And that’s what I will treasure everyday while I still have it, while I still have you. So I won’t believe in fairy tales, in happy ending, in happily ever after but I will believe in you, in what you say today, in what you let me feel today because I know that is certain. It might not last forever or for a lifetime but it is true now. I know it may change tomorrow. You might find a new friend in a cafeteria near the bus stop two days from now, or meet a new girl in your workplace after a month. I might see you one day with another girl, see your posts on social media with a new group of friends or colleagues or you may want to live out of the country for good, or what not. You may say we’re done, you may fall out of love, I may fall out of love. One day, I will see you kiss someone’s forehead, hug her so tight that it will look like you never want to let her go but I will bravely accept it, I will do. And I will be sad, cry and grieve by then, but not now. At least not today. “